A Superhero within (From My geekier side)

We all live in a realistic world; but our hopes and dreams are often found on some elusive space where imagination wins over reality and wanders in the zone where everything and everyone revolves around us – we become the center of the Universe and the precipice of existence of this wonderland is driven by our existence. We become a superhero there, are blessed with the various powers, make huge sacrifices, saving the world, get loved by all, bear power to destroy or save anything….

I often ask myself, what do want to be – just a regular Jon Doe like a Person next door or someone yearns to be blessed with some superpowers?

Well as a first instinct the answer is pretty simple – I mean who would not want to have some uber cool power to show off with…. Ha ha ha… but what about the price of the same (There are no free lunches in life). Am I willing to pay the price for it… Even Superman has to move away from the his love to follow his moral high grounds…. Beside the price part there is also another an interesting aspect of the same – Power, Will I be able to stay humble and sensible with the overdose of such a strong dose of power.. I mean – to decide to let someone survive or not survive is a pretty big deal, Am I mature to own and carry that kind of responsibility… Probably NO!!

Super hero – huh, it is a weird word, what does it mean actually, who is a super hero, has any one seen it a real life, well since our kiddy days have been reading about them, the new generations dare not miss any movies made on them…. But do they really exist…..? Probably YES, Probably NO, or may be they exist but we not looking for them the right eyes..

Changing the viewpoint:-

If we look the right way we will probably find a super hero in all of us , to take a few examples (keeping personality in dark) – a person working 80 hrs a week and still managing a time for some charity work, someone who is blasted by his boss in the office still carrying a smiling face to his family, a single mother working multiple jobs and still finding time to cooks kid’s fav dish; if they are not a superhero then who is…

I guess what I’m trying to say / feeling is a one can accomplish almost any task if the intent and commitment are there, there will be times for sure but when back will be pushed against the wall really hard and what is differentiates a regular Jon Doe from a Superman is probably how they rise from the pit instead of staying there with dejection in their minds and un-satisfaction in their souls.

Summing it up, I may not a be superhero right now but on the way of becoming one for sure.. ;)

Cheers

~lokesh v. (XLVII)

Life and Reset button

Well I’m done with my dinner some time back and was reading something casually till few minutes back while sitting on a couch and not caring what the heck is being played on the TV.

So thinking aloud a lot of times we end up saying or at least thinking “lemme start a fresh….” The question which buzzes me is “Do we mean what we said….?” I mean do we really want to start a fresh, doing the same mistakes over again or do we actually mean - let me give it another try and use the wisdom gained at the cost of the pain suffered due the falls in the past and try doing a better job this time….

I mean how can you start a fresh? does there exist a “reset” button somewhere which erases the memory and puts you in a time machines and takes you back in time so that to the same point of no return so that you can follow the alternate path…. I guess not…. It ain’t that easy…. J

A lot of great minds have written on life and related aspects; for me the closest one which inspired me the most is Paulo C. According to him (to which I fully agree) life is a flowing river, it starts from the glaciers, acts wild during its teens, becomes stable and source of prosperity in the middle ages and in the end sheds a lot for additional fat (debris) and merges with the Sea. Life – like river life cannot go back and is always moving, it evolves and finds a path to move forward whenever a road block comes, it changes its path, nature and course during it journey.

 ~lokesh v. (XL)

Abyss of mind

Well well well; here am I again commencing to write something which I have no clue on how it will go and how it will end….. may be the reason is at the current time and place I do NOT know myself where my mind is heading to..? it gets quite tricky and interesting when you start questing your mind on what is it wants and keep looking inside it for the advise, At times it brings in front of your eyes what ever is written on the wall which is quite expected but at times it brings you face – to - face with something you never expected….. sometimes it is pleasant but most of the times it does not feel good as we are not prepared to churn / accept is…..this reminds me on of interesting quote by someone unknown

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."

Many before me have tried and many after me will keep on trying to understand the mind. It is nearly impossible to say if anyone has been able to accomplish this successfully – some may proclaim success in the area but I do not think it is really possible; primarily because – it is not only about finding out what you are thinking yourself but it is equally about understand what others think and perceive from the situation at hand. Let me take these two thoughts and slice and dice them further

“Understanding Our self”

It is a tricky thing, most of us think that we know our self and we have a very clear vision on what we want from life today, tomorrow and so on…. But trust me this is not as simple as it looks, most of the times we have think we want something but as soon as we get it, we get overwhelmed by the price tag which comes with it, I always remember something told by one of my previous boss – “Think twice on what you are asking for, because you may end up getting it…..”  We are very complex yet simple creatures; we sometimes act very wisely beyond our years of maturity and sometimes behave in the most rudimentary ways even worse than as an infant. What I have learned over time (last few years especially) is when you are not sure of yourself what you or your mind wants then the best possible way to deal with it is – bide time…..if biding time is not available then make time….. there is no other way….and in this time – converse with your self – your rational self, your dreamier self, your creative self, your egoistic self, your nurturing self – there are many aspects of personality and before arriving to any conclusion, wear hats of all these and then decide – after all you may have many caring friends but you are also a best and most honest friend of yourself as well….

 “Understanding Others”

Now this one is a monster when compared to the previous one. If the previous aspect is considered a mole than this one is a skyscraper when compared to it. Before taking a jab at it; first trying to understand – why this is necessary at all? Well the answer is quite simple for me – We all are always looking for love, affection, respect and admiration from the people around us, so it matters to us as human on what other think of us…. and it is a double edged sword at times as well…. At times it makes us do things which we do not want to do making it a weak trait in a personality unlike the previous one which is a positive trait in any person. Another interesting aspect to consider is - we (human) react uniquely / differently from other when put in the same situation (when the rules and parameters of the game called life are constant) – for me the million dollar question will be why and how – is the brain of all of us wired differently? Probably Yes!!!  We humans are not supposed to solve equations of life like a calculator because there is no emotions in it, We may derive our physical strength from food and air but we need emotions to derive our mental strength and they act as our lamp of light is a pitch black night if used the right way. Un - huh….(didn’t like the way I explained the emotions in the line before, let me take another stab at it). For me Emotions are the wild animals when the soul is roaming in a jungle, they may take you in the direction of food and water but then can harm you adversely as well…It is very important to find that thin fine line between totally driven by them or being devoid of them, none of the extremes are good and the balance is sooooooo fine and delicate to maintain….Anyway coming to the original point – I have tried many many times in understanding and predicting other and have failed miserably most of the times (the latest being yesterday… ha ha ha…), looking for some banter in it – looks like the one sitting above the sky needs to teach me a few more lessons of life before putting a stamp of “QC O.K” on me… J

Parting Note

I sometimes feel that we keep on wishing for more and more and end up cooking for some reason for being unhappy when we should be happy in the first place because we tend to miss the things we do not have instead of cherish what we have…..the challenging part is getting it implementing it  – making mind work this way instead of thousands of other ways possible…..

P.S. – Just read what crap I just wrote - this is some psychotic trolling on words up there. I can pity on you for now as you have wasted some good time without getting any kind of kicks out of it and if you liked it then – welcome to the same boat, probably you and me are suffering some the same disease…

Chao

~lokesh (XXXI)

Life - a journey through un-solved riddles

Life is a weird journey. It blesses you with the presents which you have never dreamed off and cherish them always; and it throws stones at you at most unexpected times which leave a permanent scar on your soul. It presents itself with the simplistic answers to the most complex questions you are facing at times; and it presents you the most complex questions (in fact impossible to understand and grasp) from the simplistic situations.

How many times we are left wondering, asking our self – what I did wrong, how could I had better reacted to the situation, what is going on in other person’s mind?? We may come up with the answers sometimes but there are many many times when we came up with none… and trust me these un-answered are the ones which keep on rolling inside the small head of ours like a kid rolling a marble inside the jar creating some kind of a noise – bearable for some time but gives us an extreme kind of an head ache over a prolonged period and appears incurable. It gives us a visualization as if you are hanging over some kind of a cliff – neither failing from it, nor coming to the safe side of it; we look for an exit – either be safe or be dead but get nothing at all and then we scream inside our head.... a scream which no one hears other than our self…. at helpless-ness and inability to get rid of all this negative energy…

Another interesting aspect of human nature is to look for a scapegoat… Whenever something goes wrong the first thing mind starts’ doing is – to look for the scape goat – the one who can be blamed for the whole situation…. at times there can be someone responsible.. it can be yourself and may be someone else, but it is also probable that no one is responsible for it. Why look for some scape goat any way…. and what is the damn point?? No one can turn back the handles of thing called time and re-live the moment differently. If there is someone who can be blamed for it, what is the point…what the mind will get in crucifying the scape goat, beside some moments of self-satisfaction and anyways the moment gone is moment lost….There is no point in self-loathing as well – it is like punishing yourself for the things which you had (not have) no control or made a forgiving humane error of judgement…

Switching to the self-critique mode - the million dollar question for me is to blame life or my mind for the times when I find myself in an un-comfortable situation and lose my cool and composure. Yes at times I’m at fault for sure but if you ask me am I at fault all the times – I will disagree, so how to maintain a graceful face when you think you do not deserve the shit thrown at you. It is not even about failing to meet the expectations; it is primarily about not having a fighting chance to come out clean from a situation…..? May be the only remedy which can fix it is time, but who has got that much patience in today's world….

Well All I tell my self in these kinda situations as Winston Churchill once said – “If you are going thru Hell, KEEP GOING!!!”

Adios

~lokesh v. (XXII)

Thoughts @ 3:00 AM

(View from my Balcony)

It’s almost 3:00 AM of Sunday morning and still sleep is nowhere in the sight, was reading a book for last couple of hours but eventually got bored with it. Looking through the glass wall next to my bed towards the city lights and they appeared to have slowing embraced the darkness of the night - like a soul unites with the long lost love - as if it was its only destiny and it is just a matter of time before the eventual happens. Let me stop reading right away and will go through the last 10 pages again as I feel it is a crime to readan amazing piece of literature when mind is completely not in it – I cannot commit this debauchery to the author – I owe it to her (Ayn Rand)

I asked my mind “What in the hell are you up to?” but as usual it ignored me and instead choose to wander from light to light - lit in streets of the city - witnessing the dance of love between light and the darkness. Light and Darkness are the two extremes and are never meant to be together but whenever I witness an sunset or just before morning sunrise why do they always give the illusion as if they are long lost lovers – breaking their respective boundaries, embracing each other in a divine way a creating something new in the process givingeach other something to cherish till they meet again….

Humm, so I picked up my lappy, plugged in my earphones, started playing my fav my music and started writing this note. Feeling a bit different while writing this as so far as I have never done anything like this!! (come on – writing a blog just before the break of day when I had not slept for last 20+ hours is gotta be weird by any one standards). My day was neither busy nor idle – Got some important chores done in the morning, went to the market for the usual home stuff and came back around evening, had a very late lunch, talked with couple of friends and then moved on to the book read part, carried it till late night and decided to retire for night.On the bed when I checked with myself the sleep was nowhere in sight - wanted to spend some time on net but damn the Vodafone guys (they have been telling me there cable installation will complete in next one week and I will have a net connection very soon since last 3 months, but the moment is yet to arrive) and the net is NOT working on phone as well. This is one thing which I would like to change about the amazing city of Bangalore – I have not any single vendor who gets the job done in the timeline given by them…

Any ways lets move away from this stuff..

I do not want to rant about anybody.. its my blog and I would rather keep it about my thoughts instead of some insignificant rants…..

It is interesting when to put yourself on a hot seat and start questioning your self – asking yourself the un comfortable question which you usually avoid and at times even completely ignore their existence. I decided let me do that to myself…. It was an interesting experience – and I learned something from it.

“

Seeds of Anticipation are sown in the mind and they evolve in to plant of reality over period of time. If these are not treated with the proper attitude and mental makeup they will end up bearing the fruit of dejection….

~lokesh v. (XI)

”

Interesting thought / learning (or whatever u call it), may be a tad pessimistic but realistic – I will say. I would say whenever you feel dejected, see it this way – who is responsible for it… and you will figure it out that life ain’t a dream and reality is not always sweet….. the problem is in you – your lack of will / mental makeup –is causing you trouble in swallowing the pill of reality and resulting in dejection…. Do not make any one else a scape goat for it. No one in the world likes to fail on other’s expectations, everyone tries their levels best to get the nod of consent, appreciation or acknowledge coming from the heart, eyes full of admiration; but at times things do not work out. May be it was the circumstances, may be it was destiny, may be you were in a different place or may be the writing was on the wall all along but you failed to read it……

Mind is a most complex and funny thing - it can run thousands of things parallel, store infinite pieces of memories, arrive at many difficult decision but still yet fail miserably at times to read the easiest of the situations or refuses to accept the inevitable…..

Ha Ha Ha……………. Just read what I have written above, something funny shit… but as a promise to myself made on my first blog entry - I’m not gonna delete anything – these are the first thoughts which came to my mind and they deserve to be there (I guess!)

My last song on the playlist – you sang to me - is getting over now, let me give another shot at sleeping (gotta get the car fixed in the morning)

Adios

~lokesh v.

Debugging:- Rubik’s Cube of “Love”

Indigo FM @ Bangalore bought up an question sometime back while I was driving back home, which got me thinking. Question was “Will you prefer to be the one who loves you but you don’t love back or will rather be alone because you cannot have the one you love?”

It was the poll question of the day and listeners were replying in the snotty, bindaas, goofy, emotional  way but it got me thinking – which one is the right way after all – “sticking with the one  for whom you have no love or living alone because you cannot be with the person you love” or “is the question valid at all”.  Well most of the listeners responded  “living alone” but it got me thinking – if one have ever been in love and lost it, will definitely understand how worthy is the feeling of being loved will NOT let it go so easily.

Anyways this made me go in to my scribbling mode that evening and below are the results:-

Defining “Love”:-

“Love” - can it be defined at all? This is a question for which I never got the same and sane answer, doesn’t mattered if asked the question to how many friends - the answer was either insane (at least from my perspective) or it was very specific to the person view on the same or the usual – “it can’t be explained”.

I tried myself answering it sometimes but came up with a different response, do not know why -  May be I have never been on love or maybe I have loved and lost or maybe I was in love but never realized it or maybe the bitter experiences of life has eroded the part of me capable of feeling love. Still a big part of me feels that it is okay to be insane in love – as some people say when being in love, the sanity is shown the door; what’s the point in following the heart if you are gonna listen to the brain. Overall I feel we all evolve (for good or bad) and the meaning of love changes with time

-          teen years – one misses a school bus to walk with the beloved one to get some moments of un divided attention

-          college years – worrying less about own sessionals and more for the beloved

-          initial work years - spending most of savings to visit the beloved over weekend

-          mid life – finding comfort even in the silent presence of the beloved

-          old age – donno– as have not reached there yet

I believe though we grow and mature with time but the feeling of love we experience in our early days of the life is the purest of all – it does not tries to aligns itself to the rational and logic of the materialist world. To quote few examples - I can easily admit I do not remember how many crushes I had in last 5 – 10 years but can easily recall my first one when I was young enough to be going school in shorts; #2 I still remember the day my brother (who was in LKG at that time – My apologies bro) came weeping at home saying the gal he likes has refused to marry him –innocent and cute. Summing it up I believe “Our rationals /growing logical abilities / experiences erode over time the part of heart which makes it beat faster and slower for beloved!!!!” (Yeah, sounds a bit flimsy; but what the hell, lets go with it…)

“You can fall in love only once…”:-

I strongly disagree here – my definition of being in love will be to just love – and not expecting anything in return. Yes, it sounds a bit corny on the first read. I believe love brings out the best in person, and if the feelings does not  transform in to a lifelong relation then one should take the best out of it and move on instead of holding grudge or getting in to a self pity mode A.K.A. depression for life. For all the broken hearts – see it this way - It is a beautiful experience to fall in love, that’s okay if things did not went thru as expected, but take the best out of it, try to retains the good habits it has instilled in you, wish your “ex” all the happiness of the world and move on to find the harbor where your ship will anchor for the rest of your life – remember “love deserves joy, cheer and celebration and not dejection, sadness and pittance.”

Chao

First Notes on eve of Independence - Aug 15, 1947

Pandit Nehru (First Prime Minister):

"Years ago with made a tryst with destiny. and now the time has come when we shall redeeem our pledge not wholly no in fully measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, india will awake to life and freedom.

The appointed day has come - the day appointed by destiny, and India stands forth again after long slumber and struggle, awake, vital, free and independent. The future beckons to us. Whither do we go and what shall be our endeavour? To bring freedom ad opportunity to common man, to the peasants and workers of India. To fight and to end poverty, ignorance and disease. To build up a prosperous, democratic and progressive nation, and to create social, economics and political institutions which will ensure justice and fulness of life to every man and woman. JAI HIND.

Sardar V Patel (First Home Minister):

"Today we are witnessing the fulfillment of our life's ambition, the victory that has crowned the nation's struggle for freedom. It is our first duty to pay homage to the memory of those whose sacrifices have contributed so much to this glorious conclusion of that struggle. Let us not forget, how ever in the joy of the hour, the stupendous responsibilities and obligations which freedom has bought in its wake."

A. Kriplani (Congress President):

"Let us not be dis-heartened because the freedom has not come in the full glory of united India. What we have achieved today is freedom to make or mar our destiny."

Mrs Naidu:

"O' Lovely dawn of freedom that breaks in gold and purple over the ancient capital of Prithviraj O, splendid flag of new born India to be unfurled on the morrow over the Red Fort of Shahjehan ! We pay you the homage of our dedicated hearts and homage pledge ourselves to translate in to glorious dreams - the dreams that were our share in the long darkness of our bondage"

Lord Mountbatten (Last British Viceroy):

"Tomorrow two new Sovereign nations will take their place in British Commonwealth of Nations, not young nations but heirs to old and proud civilizations"

Mr Attlee (British Prime Minister):

"My colleagues in the United Kingdom Government join with in sending this historic day greetings and good wishes to the Government and people of India"