Thoughts @ 3:00 AM

(View from my Balcony)

It’s almost 3:00 AM of Sunday morning and still sleep is nowhere in the sight, was reading a book for last couple of hours but eventually got bored with it. Looking through the glass wall next to my bed towards the city lights and they appeared to have slowing embraced the darkness of the night - like a soul unites with the long lost love - as if it was its only destiny and it is just a matter of time before the eventual happens. Let me stop reading right away and will go through the last 10 pages again as I feel it is a crime to readan amazing piece of literature when mind is completely not in it – I cannot commit this debauchery to the author – I owe it to her (Ayn Rand)

I asked my mind “What in the hell are you up to?” but as usual it ignored me and instead choose to wander from light to light - lit in streets of the city - witnessing the dance of love between light and the darkness. Light and Darkness are the two extremes and are never meant to be together but whenever I witness an sunset or just before morning sunrise why do they always give the illusion as if they are long lost lovers – breaking their respective boundaries, embracing each other in a divine way a creating something new in the process givingeach other something to cherish till they meet again….

Humm, so I picked up my lappy, plugged in my earphones, started playing my fav my music and started writing this note. Feeling a bit different while writing this as so far as I have never done anything like this!! (come on – writing a blog just before the break of day when I had not slept for last 20+ hours is gotta be weird by any one standards). My day was neither busy nor idle – Got some important chores done in the morning, went to the market for the usual home stuff and came back around evening, had a very late lunch, talked with couple of friends and then moved on to the book read part, carried it till late night and decided to retire for night.On the bed when I checked with myself the sleep was nowhere in sight - wanted to spend some time on net but damn the Vodafone guys (they have been telling me there cable installation will complete in next one week and I will have a net connection very soon since last 3 months, but the moment is yet to arrive) and the net is NOT working on phone as well. This is one thing which I would like to change about the amazing city of Bangalore – I have not any single vendor who gets the job done in the timeline given by them…

Any ways lets move away from this stuff..

I do not want to rant about anybody.. its my blog and I would rather keep it about my thoughts instead of some insignificant rants…..

It is interesting when to put yourself on a hot seat and start questioning your self – asking yourself the un comfortable question which you usually avoid and at times even completely ignore their existence. I decided let me do that to myself…. It was an interesting experience – and I learned something from it.

“

Seeds of Anticipation are sown in the mind and they evolve in to plant of reality over period of time. If these are not treated with the proper attitude and mental makeup they will end up bearing the fruit of dejection….

~lokesh v. (XI)

”

Interesting thought / learning (or whatever u call it), may be a tad pessimistic but realistic – I will say. I would say whenever you feel dejected, see it this way – who is responsible for it… and you will figure it out that life ain’t a dream and reality is not always sweet….. the problem is in you – your lack of will / mental makeup –is causing you trouble in swallowing the pill of reality and resulting in dejection…. Do not make any one else a scape goat for it. No one in the world likes to fail on other’s expectations, everyone tries their levels best to get the nod of consent, appreciation or acknowledge coming from the heart, eyes full of admiration; but at times things do not work out. May be it was the circumstances, may be it was destiny, may be you were in a different place or may be the writing was on the wall all along but you failed to read it……

Mind is a most complex and funny thing - it can run thousands of things parallel, store infinite pieces of memories, arrive at many difficult decision but still yet fail miserably at times to read the easiest of the situations or refuses to accept the inevitable…..

Ha Ha Ha……………. Just read what I have written above, something funny shit… but as a promise to myself made on my first blog entry - I’m not gonna delete anything – these are the first thoughts which came to my mind and they deserve to be there (I guess!)

My last song on the playlist – you sang to me - is getting over now, let me give another shot at sleeping (gotta get the car fixed in the morning)

Adios

~lokesh v.