Monsoon, Drive, Bangalore and Re-Discovering Life

I think this is as good time as any to accept that I was a lot crankier since the Sunday morning, now don’t ask me the reason – I do not know myself but my suspect it is not getting something which I was expecting this weekend, but not sure…. Any ways moving on, since last two days I was a loose cannon all over place throwing back stinking, acidic bombs of words even on a slight  piece of contempt or disagreement; honest I was not my usual self (I’m may not be a great guy but not that much stinky either…)

Something happened today evening, which helped me in a lot of ways – not a miracle of any kind but was a small event coupled with weather and environment which helped me in being myself again, so here is the my account of the evening…

It was somewhere between 5:30 and 6:00 in evening when I decided to call it a day, wanted to leave a bit early today (the day appears a bit longer when you are feeling cranky isn’t it?). When I came out of the office building was pleasantly surprised that it had just started raining; though it made my task a bit tricky in getting to the parking area as it was a brisk walk of 5 – 7 minutes from the building to the parking bay and I had left my umbrella in the car itself in the morning. Waited there for a sometime to get hold on company umbrella and moved to the parking, raining was not brisk at this time – it was more like a when a girl is flirting with her love, coming near and then holding back again, acting all playful in her own feisty way. Soon after I cranked up the car on the NICE road it started pouring down. The only word to describe it is “mesmerizing”…..

The wind, the drive and the falling rain drops making the knuckling sound took my mind in a new zone. I felt as if rain and the city were the long lost lovers who have met after a long time and they are kissing and hugging each other passionately, rain showering its affection on the city and city embracing it with an immense urge (an urge to be loved). It made is all serene despite all the noise and the tricky driving conditions and over the next 10 mins I felt like my mind is being cleansed by the pouring drops from all the sorrows, frustrations, crankiness, negative energies.

Once I reached at the apartment complex another thing happened…

I parked my car just after entering the complex to buy something from the neighbouring shop. I saw a very old man walking with the help of a stick, holding hands of his granddaughter (she was around 5 years old) trying to stop the cars getting inside the complex with little success, I was not able to stop myself and kept on looking for a minute or two and then noticed that the elderly gentleman was in-fact blind and it was his granddaughter who was trying to stop the vehicles to help her Dadu in getting to the home safely. I have seen all different sorts of emotions in my life but I can honestly say I have not seen an emotion as pure as it was in the eyes of that young kid… Her Dadu was trying to save her but was not able to contribute much as it was still raining and partially due to his physical limitation. I walked up to them and offered them lift in my car to drop them to their respective block, They graciously accepted and during the short drive the elderly gentleman told me his granddaughter had a drawing class just opposite to the complex and he comes with her the everyday which he has not missed for last few months; since the rain came suddenly they are not sure if they can get home due to his limitation and he was worried sick for his granddaughter as well; he son has still not reached home and struck in the traffic and can NOT pick them up.

I stopped my car in the underground parking, next to lift of the tower they lived, took him to the lift while holding his hand and left the place once the lift came and moved upwards….

While moving my car to my parking area I realized how beautiful the moment was – it was not the weather or the rain which made it beautiful; instead it was the love, care and worry in the eyes of both for each other which made the moment special.

Once I reached home, Maa was there with a smiling face and I felt clean – clean from the negative vibes, all the crankiness the lingering headache which was following me for the last few days like a well-trained professional spy. I felt light in the heart, full of life and in love with monsoon and Bangalore all over again…

~lokesh v.(XXXIX)

The Butterfly Effect on Relationships

So here am I again, sitting on my reading chair with laptop in my lap, listening to the oldies from 50’s - after wrapping an Interesting read from an old timer and thinking to start a new one or let the mind ponder on the thoughts of the read I just completed…..All the books I have read in last few months have blessed me with a new perspective of thinking and understanding the human emotions, mind and reactions in a new different way.. The last one I read dealt closely with the under currents of the human relations and sexuality. 

Now coming to the thought process with which I started this note; what I learned from this book was

Human mind and soul are like sea, when you are about to get close to them all you see is lots and lots of waves of emotions and reactions, and whence you cross the initial boundary and move towards the uncharted waters, you may not see all the violent currents which attracted / despised you in the first place but it does in NO WAY means that the inside is hollow and there is nothing left to be known; in fact it is usually the opposite – the inside is far deep than you can imagine– the top layer of sea is just cover for the depth of the underlying currents and it contains a vast and complex ecosystem of multiple traits inside. Sometimes a very small change in tis ecosystem causes a butterfly effect sort of impact causing a big storm on the shore.

We most of the times tend to look at the change from outside and attempt to address the problem from the same place instead of understanding the root cause and addressing it; this may help in putting a wrapper on the issue like putting over ripen food in the back of the fridge, but is actually does not fixes the problem and ends up stinking the whole damn place with its smell. This process is the commonly referred as “mutual understanding”;

Sounds weird? isn’t it…? – I mean what a term like “mutual understanding” had got to do with the warning signals of a stinking relationship which is in a downward spiral? Well it is quite simple actually, if you think a bit deeper on trying on understand this so called “mutual understanding”; you will end up observing that what most of us call “Mutual Understanding” is nothing but a blanket covering the state of status – quo of a tug of war between the expectations and commitments between two personalities.

Now the important aspects is how many times we catch these warning signals and make a sincere effort to fix them instead of getting indulged in to the blame games and trying to prove our self a victim of situation – I would say very rare of the times…. So from what I have learned from life, reads, experiences (mine and others), for any kind of relationship / feelings to work over a period of time we need to be on a constant look out for these warning signals, trying to a understand the core of the issues and then discussing these core issues, instead of letting the staleness kill the beautiful aroma of love…..

~lokesh v (XXXVIII)

Winning Heart

My thought of the evening:- 

"

When it comes over winning someone’s body and mind, it is easy; but winning someone’s heart is all together a different monster…

….

….

….

why…….?

….

….

….

Because to win someone’s heart you first need to become a slave to it…..

"

~lokesh v (XXXVII)

Awaara Dil

Zindagi ki aaanjaan rahoo maine

Nahin milte maan chaahe saaye sabhi

Zindagi dekhaati hai sapne naaye

Kyoki adhoori reh jaati hai poorani umeedee kabhi

Dil mangta hai afsaane naaye

Kyoki poori hooti nahin kahaniya sabhi

Dil ban jaata hai ek awara banjara

Kyoki khaali hai kaa koona kaahi

Chalta rehega yeh awaargee ka aalam

Jab tak milta nahin isse koi dilbar kaahi

 ~lokesh v (XXXVI)