Thursday, May 31, 2012

New discovery about myself and "Touch Me Not"


Well courtesy to the “Bharat bandh” called by the political parties I when woke up today as per my usual schedule and was about to leave for office I realized that it has been declared as non working day in the office. After a few minutes of hustle and bustle to inform my team and ensuring they got the message as well I settled on couch and spend some time on the FB and other social activities online. Once the feeling subs-sided then I realized / discovered couple of things about myself:-
  • I’m a coffee person now and need my morning mocha to become any kind of functional unit in the morning. I did had habit of having a morning coffee once I reach office but never realized that this ritual has slowly creeped in to my mandatory “to-do” list, there I go as if current addition list was not sufficient enough…. :(
  • It has been a really long-long time since I have woken up early w/o an agenda and I was left wondering post morning hustle – bustle – what to do with all this morning time…..? This I felt a bit too weird considering I’m at my home, in my own den and still feeling lost somehow. Slowly it made me realize it does not matter where we are and what we do gradually we become mechanized instruments following our regular schedules and activities (at least for the week days) – and any sudden changes throws mind off the track, especially when there is no event which requires an immediate reaction from us.
Anyways after suffering the blabbering of the multiple news channel where anchor’s tends to repeat the same news over and over and over for some time, I had my breakfast; plugged in my playlist and started reading the novel (The Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D H Lawrence). Around 20 minutes later somewhere around the page 50 – 55 in the novel I landed on the conversation talking about the “touch”. The conversation revolved around how humans have become immune to touch. “Touch” in the this context done not mean a physical contact but touching some one’s soul…..I totally agree here - Yes we indeed get in touch with many during our lives but rarely get in to “touch” with some!!!!  This triggered stupid wandering mind of mine in to a small journey - cruising through multiple thoughts; and I landed up putting the book aside and working on this note.

Anyways going back to the thought process – I had two streams of thoughts:-
  • I feel may be we are a bit too much scared now a days of getting hurt to let anyone near to our soul. We build big strong walls of ignorance, ego, pride, materials to ensure minimal breach and keeping our true self far and secure from the reach of others. Most of us will not accept or realize it but when we stand in front of the mirror, ask this questions looking deep in to our eyes we will realize – “This is more of less true!!!!” Now the question which comes to my mind is – “By building these walls are we really protecting our self or are we really enslaving our self???”….. had to remember when you bolt a door in a room – no one from outside can come inside but at the same time you cannot go outside as well…..
  •  Well I feel in this specific matter we are the victims and the culprits both… We do not allow other to touch our souls and at the same time we do not try (in fact avoid) to touch others as well….now the question I’m asking myself is – “Why? Is it that bad..? Why are we afraid to reach out to others…..? Is it because we do NOT want to or is it because we are scared…..?” I do not think it is an issue of the willingness but feel it is more about the fear…. Fear because there is no one way traffic here… when one tries to touch some first he / she has to lower his / her guard, one can not touch a life without being touched by it…. Like a window or a door – once opened it is always a two way traffic…..
On parting notes somehow this reminds me of the days (around 12+ years back) when I had recently passed out of college and had a big big fight with one of my closest friend…. At that time we had our difference and when I told my friend that all is over he / she fought with me, not because of the disagreements but because he / she was not willing to let the things end between us and was willing to fight for it…. This person was a very easy to go kind of  person who believed in going with the flow, enjoying life, did not believed in calling back and letting the time takes it due course. The message I received at that point was “take the timeout if you want but don’t dare you call it quits, else I will make sure to beat the hell out of you….” today when we are still good friends and 12 years have passed; when I look back in time – “I’m neither thankful for the company, nor for the friendship or support but I’m thankful to my friend only and only for one thing – "For that fight!!!; for fighting with me while fighting for us when the chips were down…."

~lokesh v. (XXX)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Chaahat


Some quick scribing late night yesterday



Woo poochte hai humse – ki humae kya chaahiye zindagi see
aab kaise batlaye hum zindagi koo, kee kya chaahat hai hamari
jab dikhta hai humae chehra kissi gaer kaa, unki nazaroo ke Aks maine

~lokesh v. (XXIX)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Thinking on a Quote from Atlas Shrugged



Quote from Atlas Shrugged

"The man who refuses to judge, who neither agrees nor disagrees, who declares that there are no absolutes and believes that he escapes responsibility, is the man responsible for all the blood that is now spilled in the world." | P3C7


Last night I was talking (Oops! no – strike talking…) conversing with one of my very good friend whom I met after a long long time. We did what friends are expected to do when they meet after a long time – A good booze session along with some open heart-ed conversation. During one of the topic discussed in the conversation a reference to the above quote came and I explained my view point on the above quote in my blurry, shaky, semi drunken voice – donno it was good or okay or a lousy one but my friend liked it asked me to document my view and share it with him…. So buddy here I come….

"
We today professional world we do a similar kind of acts all the times. We try to please everyone, we are scared to put out view point "as straight as an arrow" and try to find the sugar coated diplomatic words to get half blurred, half confusing picture of our view point across the table. Yes, in a sense diplomacy is needed but most of the time it is over-rated and under-yielding. So the question is what should we do – is really the world prepared for answers which are sort of perpendicular replies to the curved questions….? I guess not… it is fine to be diplomatic but it should not be used as a tool to defer work, decision or responsibility….. now that is a SIN!!! There are and there will be the times when you can NOT please very one but in such a situation I believe the most important thing  which we should do is ignored too many times – it is asking yourself 

"What do I think of my self and do I believe I’m doing the right thing to achieve the shared goals of the herd?" if Yes! Then listen to the arguments patiently from all, but decide and pick a side instrad of CYA (Cover Your A**) approach – and then stick to it….

Always remember once you have picked a side / made a choice – you may win/proven right, or you may loose/proven wrong; but the important aspect is you made a decision and are were willing to own it… the biggest SIN in this scenario would be “Not making a decision or asking some one else to do it when is your responsibility!!!!” Quoting an example from a real world – When a war happens one country wins and the other one loses, but soldiers from both the sides are respected and honored…. and the one's who run away from the battle are always frowned upon…. Bottom line:- “Do you karma as per best of your judgement and own the repercussions  and that is your only chance to GLORY!!!!


~lokesh v. (XXVIII)

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Chandni ka sandesh....


iss raat kee chupi chupi chandnee kyo khel raahi hai aakh michooli mujh see
 khelte - khelte jaise kuch raahe hai haawoo see jhooko maine gun-gunatee hue see

 samjhaa saa raahi hai mujhkoo, kehte hue
            seekhna hai - toh seekhoo mujhse - zindagi jeene kaa andaaz

zee zindagi aase, jaise haar rooj aati hoo maine 
            teere dhoomil tapish bhare maan koo pal do pal kee liye roshan karne

loota jaati hee har rooj pyar bhara ehsaas tujh par, 
chaahe tu pehchane yaa naa pehchanee iss ehsaas koo

teeri pal do pal kee muskurahat bahut hai meere liye,
aur teeri kushi hee hai pai-maana meeri zindagi kaa

kuch nahin chaheyi mujhko tujse,
baas jee lee apni zindagi aisee - jaise jeena chaahta hai tu


 aapne sapno kee jhoole maine....

~lokesh v. (XXVII)

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Communicate with Friends :)


Friends remain friends if they communicate, else the air of unfamiliarity and aloofness strangulates friendship with time...-_-

 ~lokesh v. (XXVI)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Nazar



Woo poochtee hai humse
            kee kyo dekhte hai hum sapne in khuli aakhoo see

Aab kaise samjha-aye hum unko
            kee in naazroo ko ijazaat nahin hai palke jukha leene kee

kaash dikh jaaye aapna mazhar unki naazroo ke gehrayi maine

~lokesh v. (XXV)

Vocab
mazhar=self

Monday, May 14, 2012

Shayaar


Hum naa thee koi shayar, par unki nazaroo nee dewaana baana diya,
nahin kasur hai unka - woo to rehte hai apni hee moojo maine,
par kya kaare iss dil-e-majboor kaa, joo khoo baitha hai aapna wajood unki julfoo kee saaye maine

 ~lokesh v. (XXIV)

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Affection vs Smothering




There is a thin boundary between showing affection and smothering; identification and respect of this boundary is critical as it either makes or breaks a relation….

 ~lokesh v. (XXIII)

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Life - a journey through un-solved riddles


Life is a weird journey. It blesses you with the presents which you have never dreamed off and cherish them always; and it throws stones at you at most unexpected times which leave a permanent scar on your soul. It presents itself with the simplistic answers to the most complex questions you are facing at times; and it presents you the most complex questions (in fact impossible to understand and grasp) from the simplistic situations.

How many times we are left wondering, asking our self – what I did wrong, how could I had better reacted to the situation, what is going on in other person’s mind?? We may come up with the answers sometimes but there are many many times when we came up with none… and trust me these un-answered are the ones which keep on rolling inside the small head of ours like a kid rolling a marble inside the jar creating some kind of a noise – bearable for some time but gives us an extreme kind of an head ache over a prolonged period and appears incurable. It gives us a visualization as if you are hanging over some kind of a cliff – neither failing from it, nor coming to the safe side of it; we look for an exit – either be safe or be dead but get nothing at all and then we scream inside our head.... a scream which no one hears other than our self…. at helpless-ness and inability to get rid of all this negative energy…

Another interesting aspect of human nature is to look for a scapegoat… Whenever something goes wrong the first thing mind starts’ doing is – to look for the scape goat – the one who can be blamed for the whole situation…. at times there can be someone responsible.. it can be yourself and may be someone else, but it is also probable that no one is responsible for it. Why look for some scape goat any way…. and what is the damn point?? No one can turn back the handles of thing called time and re-live the moment differently. If there is someone who can be blamed for it, what is the point…what the mind will get in crucifying the scape goat, beside some moments of self-satisfaction and anyways the moment gone is moment lost….There is no point in self-loathing as well – it is like punishing yourself for the things which you had (not have) no control or made a forgiving humane error of judgement…

Switching to the self-critique mode - the million dollar question for me is to blame life or my mind for the times when I find myself in an un-comfortable situation and lose my cool and composure. Yes at times I’m at fault for sure but if you ask me am I at fault all the times – I will disagree, so how to maintain a graceful face when you think you do not deserve the shit thrown at you. It is not even about failing to meet the expectations; it is primarily about not having a fighting chance to come out clean from a situation…..? May be the only remedy which can fix it is time, but who has got that much patience in today's world….


Well All I tell my self in these kinda situations as Winston Churchill once said – “If you are going thru Hell, KEEP GOING!!!

Adios
~lokesh v. (XXII)